Deary deary me....

Now look... I have taken myself outside and given myself a reet good tellin' off.... actually, having no internet connection at home, and then the powers that be at the office withdrawing internet access at work, I have had SUCH terrible withdrawal symptoms - but all that has changed for now - internet has arrived at my house, and I can actually get on the computer without having to drug my other half and drag him into a corner...... so I'll be back!
xx

Um... Hallo everyone. you may remember that I used to actually post o n here some time back: unfortunately life has a way of climbing onto your lap. slapping you around a little, and dragging you out to deal with stuff outside.... !

Things have been a little fraught recently, so I had to take a break for a whole: what with the house, my little meltdown and various other (minor) panics, I have not had the energy, or the mentalcapacity to concentrate for long wnough to actualy write much here, but I have been thinking aout you all, and want to thank you for your kindness, and for the messages offering a chance to talk.. I'm sorry that i didn;t feel able to take you up on those, but it was just too big for me to deal with!

ANYWAY
I'm back! - new and improved, and (Usky!) with additional naughtiness added - watch out!

Yep - I accepted an invite to a posh party trhown by a partner company tothe one I work with thinking - free transport and food: a bar> music,. dancing.... there'll be LOADS of my colleagues queueing up to go..... Nope - there was Just ME, and lots of people I hadn't met yet. Nowm, face to face, I am the most socially inept soul you could hope to find, and I'm terrified of big groups of strangers..... however, I met 2 couples who invited me to join them at their table, and proceeded to have a FANTASTIC night out...

I had also taken along Brian the Werewolf (see the pic at the top of the page if you haven't yet met him!) and persuaded someone to take a pic of him: unforunately he was pictured with someone who hasn't given permission for me to publish it, so until I find a way of disguising him, I can't put the pic on site, but I am SO proud of myself, I wanted to tell the world!! Yay Me!!!!!

things that make me happy? ok:

1) woodlands (proper woods, though: not ones where they undergrowth has been destroyed...)
2) writing
3) my silly friend, and our bizarre email conversations
4) blogging!
5) travelling

(or 5 pieces of chocolate, If I want an instant cheering up!)

yes.. it has been a Very long time since I did this.... no excuses: just that I have been in a very strange place personally, and this reaally is not the place for me to be going into any detail about it......but I have been thinking about you all, and I will be able to come back and play soon, I hope

so: Happy soon to be Birthdaym, Davidjohn - hope you have a fantastic day, and all your friends remeber to write you:

Wargrym - still here when you need me: still think you're the best xx

la_Spice...jackFrost - you Rock!!

and all others - Miss you all will be better soon, and looking forward to renewing blogging!
love to all
Hem

1. What time did you get up this morning? 06:00
2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Batman Begins
4. What is your favourite TV show? most haunted
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Toast
6. What is your middle name? Elizabeth (yes, really!)
7. What food do you dislike? Gluten free bread (Yecchhhh!!!)
8. What is your favourite CD at moment? Marilyn manson
9. What kind of car do you drive? Don't drive - but I have a pushbike
10.Favourite sandwich? BLT.
11.What characteristic do you despise? aggression.
12.Favourite item of clothing? my velvet 1700's style coat
13.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? newe Zealand (or back to Budapest).
14.Favourite brand of clothing? Don't do brands
15.Where would you retire to? Transylvania.
16.What was your most recent memorable birthday? memorable? at my age?
17. Favourite sport to watch? Rugby League
18. Furtherest place you are sending this? no idea
19. Person you expect to send it back first? not a soul
20. When is your birthday? December
21. you a morning person or a night person? Night
22. What is your shoe size? 8
23. Pets? two budgies, a dog and a cat.
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? i don't do exciting anymore
25. What did you want to be when you were little? bigger
26. How are you today? strange
27. What is your favourite sweets? Duh!! chocolate.
28.What is your favourite flower? freesia
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? all of them (Except the ones that have gone
30. What is your full name? heh heh - not a chance!
31. What are you listening to right now? my boss moaning
32. What was the last thing you ate? large red apple
33. Do you wish on stars? for a particulart star, maybe!
34. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? purple
35. How is the weather right now? overcast but sunny
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? a colleague
37.Favourite soft drink? oasis
38. Favourite restaurant? The Homestead
39. Real hair colour? Brown and grey
40. What was your favourite toy as a child? brothers train set
41. Summer or winter? Winter
42. Hugs or kisses? depends who it is!
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate (again, Duh!)
44. Coffee or tea? Tea
45. Do you want your friends to Post you back? Yes!!
46. When was the last time you cried? yesterday
47. What is under your bed? darkness
48. What did you do last night? internet chatted with a friend on facebook: went home and slobbed out
49. What are you afraid of? everything
50. Salty or sweet? salty.
51. How many keys on your key ring? which one? 5 on one, 11 on the other
52. How many years at your current job? 2.5
53. Favourite day of the week? saturday
54. How many towns have you lived in? 2
55. Do you make friends easily? in person, no
56. How many people will you send this to? who-ever reads it
57. How many will respond? no idea!!

Today is.... Wednesday?  Ok - I'm back: now comfortably settled into my cosy little internal fantasy life, the better to be able to grin annoyingly, and refuse to tell anyone what I'm grinning at (you should HEAR the frustration from my colleagues)

anyway....
Today, most of my workmates have gone on strike (yay!!) so I should be extra busy (I'm not: trust me, I couldn't be writing this if  I was!) I can't contact The Pasha because his mobile is on the spritz, and a friend has invited herself over for coffee tonight so we can have a good old girly gossip....  Sounds like a plan to me: Of course, I also have a large bottle of Pimms, and access to our ENTIRE dvd collection (heh heh heh!!) so if all else fails, I can overdose on my favourite movies (African Queen, anyone?) and get merrily blotto while I do....... Life is (once again) sweet......

the only downside is that my internet is broken *AAAAgggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!*  so I can't invite you all to join me for drinks and movies in  my cabin cubby hole aboard the GSL, so I'll have to have a "show and tell" post later, if anything exciting happens

Who am I trying to kid.... NOTHING exciting Ever happens in this town!   Ah well - back to my fantasy world...*blissful sigh*  Ahhhh - like sinking into a hot, scented bath, with a large glass of champagne, and a box of VERY special chocolates.........

THIS IS HYSTERICAL!

(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A HOOT!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on..........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the
waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of
those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them
apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
hair right off .

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.

My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot
water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH
MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!

It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she
hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL
OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing
hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Beckie

I liked bein a pirate *sniff*

Ok - just so's you know I keep a bargain when asked - I have joined the scurvy crew of the Black Pearl - look out for the pirates group blog, and put your mark on the sign-up papers...... better voluntarily than wake up with a hangover and that strange sensation of movement......!